The shadows are sometimes difficult to shake.

I missed November somewhere. Decisions are difficult and life has felt a little like that moment when you lose control of the car on the ice and you're suddenly doing 60 backwards down a highway and there is nothing you can do about it. Just a little bit like that.

But I'm still here, though a little fragile and bruised at the moment. I have never been good at making decisions. I second guess myself, mire myself in angst and woe-laden tears, and generally get myself so worked up that rational thought is impossible. But a few things this week helped me find a little center again. I got to do the chicken dance with a preschool class. I can't tell you how liberating that is. And now I know it and when the chance comes up again, I'll be prepared. I got to squeeze my niece and there is nothing better than the big 4-toothed grin of a 9 month old to make you feel much better even if her diaper just leaked on your pants. And I had the good sense (mostly thanks to my very wise spouse's advice) to turn down a job that would have been my absolute dream job ten years ago because I wouldn't get to play Jenga or color with kids if I took it. Ten years ago I didn't care about the chicken dance or teaching kids how to hold a pencil, but apparently now I do and so I can't go back.

It is hard work to listen to your soul talking. Honestly, I'm completely exhausted. But the holiday break is almost here and decisions are being narrowed and even though my dog is a hundred and four, she still wags her tail and takes me for a walk. What could be better than that?

P.S. And because I know you're going to ask, no, I don't know where we are moving yet. Safe to say it isn't Utah though.